Serving 18 Counties in Northwest Kansas

Northwest Kansas 
Area Agency on Aging

Home     Counties Served     News & Events   Calendar    Volunteer

Free Test For Diabetes 

Services & Information

CARE (Client Assessment & Referral Evaluation)

Senior Health Insurance/ Prescription Drug Program

Nutrition Program

In-Home Services

Legal Services

Caregiver Program

Disease Prevention/ Health Promotion

Free Publications

Links

Contact Us

Site Index
Last Modified 07/22/04

TAKING AWAY THE CAR

WOW!!!!!  This issue has been more difficult for me than dealing with Mom's Alzheimer's, and one of the best stories I can tell is about taking her car away.  I contacted the Alzheimer's Association and met with a wonderful counselor/case worker named Stefanie.  I originally spoke to her about......getting my brother and sister to help Mom.

Over a two week period, we all met with Stefanie:  myself and my brother, myself and Mom, and myself and my sister and niece (my brother's daughter).  Stefanie evaluated Mom and suggested that she not drive any more.  The joint decision was that they would help me get the car to my house so I could sell it for Mom.

So....the next month my brother and sister took Mom's car, telling her that it was at my brother's (35 miles from Mom) so he could fix her AC.  They lied - it was really at my sister's (3 blocks from Mom).  Nobody told me (45 miles from Mom/80 from my brother) it was close enough for me to bring it to my house to sell it for her.

Well......4 months later....my sister was taking Mom to visit my brother.  OH, NO!!!!  When Mom sees the car isn't there she'll be upset.  What do we do?  Do they call me to pick up the car so they can tell her I've got it?  NOOOO!!!!  Do they call me to discuss options?  NOOOOOO!!!!!

THEY TAKE THE CAR BACK TO MOM

They parked it in her driveway, so close to the house that she couldn't open the driver side door, the idea being to prevent her from getting in and driving somewhere.  It took 2 more months and several attempts for me to successfully take the car away from her AGAIN.

The happy ending:  I sold the car for her within 2 months and paid off her loan, including credit card bills for repair work that had been done.  She's even beginning to enjoy being chauffeured around.

My brother (master procrastinator) is talking about arranging counseling available through his employer.  I've been asking him for 3 years to do it.  What do you think the odds are that a meeting will be arranged?

Along with group support and counseling, researching forgiveness, acceptance and serenity have helped me tremendously.  It doesn't change the fact that they should help our Mom, but it has helped me reduce the stress I was putting myself through when I was trying to make them help.  Letting go of their actions (or rather their inactions) hasn't been easy.  It felt like I was giving up.  But I've learned that the only one I can give up on is myself.  Letting go is not the same as giving up.

I can let go of guilt because I can't cure Alzheimer's....I can let go of trying to change their behavior.  I won't give up on doing what's best for Mom.