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Last Modified 07/22/04

Humor:  The gift horse

By Charley Green

"It was what a horse could do, now how he looked, that appealed to Will." - from Will Rogers, by Betty Rogers

Many times, folks outthink themselves, or are uncertain or fearful, and consequently miss out on some of those golden opportunities handed to 'em.  When those things show up, such as a "gift horse," oftentimes they put on blinders and saddle themselves with tunnel vision, looking for the bottom of the empty jug rather than the barrel full of possibilities.

Like most folks, I've had many an opportunity to look a gift horse in the mouth.  Some I've recognized; others I only heard when they went flying by, as on the wings of Pegasus (a little Greek mythology in flight here).

This reminds me of a story Dad told me of the time that ol' gift horse came runnin' up, whinnyin' and stompin' on the front porch to get his attention.

A neighbor had passed away and his widow wanted to sell their farm to Dad.  It was a productive farm with good upland soil for grains and hay as well as pastures for the dairy herd, which consisted of about 50 cows.  The house, outbuildings, equipment, and dairy cattle were in excellent shape, providing a wonderful opportunity to walk right into a profitable farming operation.

However, Dad didn't have the money for a down payment.  The widow told him, "Henry, you don't have to put any money down, you can pay me when the crops come in."

Well, right then and there Dad decided to look that gift horse in the mouth and began thinking about the dairy herd and what it would take to maintain it.  Those 50 cows would need to be milked twice a day, 365 days a year, Sundays and holidays included.  Dad's thinking processes and rationality went into overdrive.  His mind began to conjure up an overwhelming chore and commitment with those cows, in addition to the crop farming.  He finally told her he just couldn't do it, so she found another buyer.

After telling this story, Dad paused, looked skyward as if to receive some divine guidance, and said, "You know, son, I could've sold those darn ol' cows.  If only I'd looked beyond my fears and changed the way I saw things, the opportunity would've been a real fine legacy.  I could've saddled that ol' gift horse, rounded up the dairy herd, shipped 'em off to market, and used the money as the down payment."

He ended the story with this piece of advice:  "Charley, when that ol' gift horse shows up in your corral, you just jump on it and git to ridin' hard.  Leave the mouth-lookin' to the vet."

Charley Green, of Overland Park, is a Will Rogers impersonator, writer, and humorist.  charleygreen@charleygreen.com